Let Your True Self Shine

Author: Jacquie Hermans

We’ve grown up in a society that puts so much pressure on ‘doing the right thing’.  We keep unhealthy relationships because we think ‘it’s the right thing to do’, a teenager in their peer group will have pressure to do what’s ‘right’ in that circle, and an adult planning a wedding will be so worried about keeping everyone happy, and making sure they are following the proper etiquette. 

The ‘right thing to do’ should actually be coming from the heart – where your true character - the core of your being lies.  Yes there is a place for rules, but when there is no policy or procedure manual, you should be listening to your inner voice as apposed to thinking…what would Martha do in this situation?

If we thought more from our heart, rather than from our head, the situations we are involved with and the relationships we have, would include much more compassion, respect and integrity.  When we think from our head our thoughts can be clouded with personal garbage and judgement.  When we speak from our hearts, our head doesn’t shut-off – we still have logic – but with just added compassion and understanding.

All of us are faced with difficult situations, or uncomfortable conversations that need to happen.  When you speak from the heart, when you speak with love, you will never offend.  When you avoid situations or conversations, you are actually bringing stress and negativity into your life, which can be detrimental to your health.  To free yourself, you need to listen to that inner voice and tell people in your life what you are going through and why.

Most of us have a shell around us, and some of us have a suit of armor – that hides our true selves.  When we look in a mirror, if what we see isn’t really us, than how can we trust other people, or our own decisions?  Wouldn’t we always be wondering – are they for real? Am I making a bad decision here?

You need to let your true-self shine and that includes your true emotions.  You are an incredible individual with unique talents and gifts that you should be proud of.  When you let your true-self shine, and you speak from the heart, you light up everyone around you.

When you let your true-self shine, your ultimate path becomes that much clearer.

Perfectionism – is there a place for it?

Author: Jacquie Hermans

Throw perfectionism out the window!  Many of us feel the need to be perfect.  Sure perfectionism has it’s positive points – we always give 110%, always do a great job –everyone should be proud of that – but where the problem lies is when we make a mistake and we cut ourselves down for being dum. 

We all make mistakes – we are not perfect and are not meant to be.  Take every situation or every ‘mistake’ as a learning opportunity.  Thank the universe for the lesson and move on – no need to focus on the negative – is doesn’t benefit anyone.

We are all perfect for today.  What I mean by this is we are all perfect for how much sleep we got, how well we ate today, what’s going on in our family life, and what kind of lessons we learned while growing up.  Everyday – we are working from what we have experienced.  Is your life perfect?  Do you always get 8 hours sleep? Always eat 3 square meals a day with plenty of water, little sugar, and eat healthy snacks?  Are all of your relationships hunky dory all the time?  Did you have a perfect childhood?  I think we can all answer ‘no’ to at least one of the above – so that gives you an allowance to make mistakes.  Just remember – you and the people around you are perfect for today.

So next time you or someone around you makes a mistake – celebrate the learning opportunity that was offered and look forward to what you will learn tomorrow.

Humour and the Family

Written by:  Jacquie Hermans

Humour is an excellent tool to build character. It is also an aid for getting your children to help around the house, and a fantastic way to build self-esteem in your children that will assist them in dealing with adverse situations.  Humour benefits the physical, spiritual, mental and emotional body.  Here we’ll focus on the mental and emotional benefits when it comes to using humour to raise your children.

Whether laughing at a joke, creating a goofy face, making up nonsense stories or laughing at something you did – it all chalks up to better health.  When you have fun with humour your creativity and spontaneity is enhanced, stress levels decrease, self-esteem will increase and you have a better ability to deal with difficult situations.  When you laugh at yourself for something silly you did – or forgot to do – the laughter releases negative energy associated with failure and replaces it with healing stress-free energy.  Negative energy also affects the body physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally – but of course negatively.   So why not change a negative to a positive – it only does your body good.

If your child makes a mistake, forgets to bring their bag home from school, or spills their milk – find a way to throw humour into the situation and then talk about strategies to avoid a similar situation.  Reacting with anger or frustration will only decrease a child’s self-esteem and will block the flow of effective communication between a parent and a child.

Household Chores

You want your child to assist with chores around the house, clean their room, or get ready for bed?  Find ways to make it fun rather than a ‘Have To’ duty.  Make a game out of it.  Make-up a goofy song to go along with the activity, give the cleaning utensils wacky names and/or an action hero assignment for the child to accomplish The younger you start your children with chores the better (my 18-month old feeds our dog breakfast every morning).

Coping with Adverse Situations

Learning how to perform improv is an excellent way to better think on your feet, enhance your self-esteem, increase your social skills, and to get that creativity flowing.  With enhanced self-esteem and the above mentioned skills, your child will be better prepared to deal with teasing, or embarrassing situations.  Confidence and creativity go a long way when it comes to trusting in your abilities and character.  When you believe in yourself – it’s that much harder for someone else to bring you down.  Now when you add constructive humour into the mix – your child can bring everyone else’s spirits up – while maintaining their own strength and character.

Humour for Building Character

To tell a joke or perform improv you need to have trust/confidence in your abilities, you need have courage to put yourself in the spotlight, you demonstrate perseverance when you challenge yourself to overcome a personal obstacle - such as speaking in front of a crowd, or being goofy in front of others.  When performing improv you learn to better RESPECT yourself and others by not judging, and in improv, you ‘accept all offers’ and add to them - OPTIMISM is the key. 

Bring humour into your home and you will be promoting self-esteem, social skills, creativity, and character building.  Not only will you be raising happy, healthy children, but you will also be bringing positive healing energy into your home.

Tips for bringing humour into your home:

          Make up goofy names for everyone in the family related to a positive character trait or hobby.  Ie. Sir Evan Think A lot

          Take turns being responsible for bringing a joke to the dinner table (daily/weekly) or writing one on a wipe/chalk board in the kitchen

          ‘Make a Story’ – create a weekly ritual where your family makes up a story.  Every person takes a turn saying a sentence and adding to the plot of the story.  Keep the rotation going until you can find an end to the story.  Important:  you must listen to what the person says before  you and add to – whatever someone says goes – so you may need to be really creative to have the story make some kind of sense – in a wacky way of course!

          Rent a comedy rather than a shoot’em up/punch’em out flick.

          Choose a fairy tale you and your kids know really well and similar to ‘make a story’ – take turns telling the story with your own fun twist to it.  You can keep the main plot – but add some crazy things that happen – be creative!

          Sign yourself and your child up for improv lessons

          Rather than cut yourself down - laugh at yourself when you have an embarrassing or brain-dead moment.  We all have those moments / they’re normal / you’re doing the best you can do for the cards you’ve been dealt – so have fun with it!

          Bring humour into household chores – dance like the ‘Swifer’ lady!

          Laugh any chance  you get

Jacquie Hermans, Creator, Host, and Producer for the award winning talk show RANT, has trained with Second City and teaches improv workshops geared for schools, camps, corporate and the community (adult/teen).  Check out her website www.realityontheroad.com or email her at realityontheroad@look.ca

Benefits of Humour by Jacquie Hermans

Do you remember the last time you laughed so hard your cheeks and stomach hurt?  During that moment of utter enjoyment your body was being flooded with positive energy that filled your core from cell to cell.  A good laugh can have a similar feeling to a passionate night of sex, a vigorous workout at the gym, or the indulgence of an incredible chocolate dessert – all of which are quite enjoyable and have many benefits of there own.  A great laugh, however, heals you from the inside out.

To laugh with such unfiltered passion stimulates you mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.  You feel positively rejuvenated, light, powerful, joyful and at peace with yourself.  Along with these great feelings, come many benefits: 

If laughing has so many benefits – why not be proactive with your health and laugh more?  Make a point to laugh everyday.  Laugh at yourself when you put on two different socks, or wear your shirt inside out or forget to zip yourself up, rent a comedy, go to a Second City improv show, or find a website that can email you a daily joke.  Share a joke with others.  You can help others to heal with humour.

Suggested Readings:  Cathy Fenwick’s Love and Laughter – A Healing Journey and Madan Mohan Tripathy’s –Humour at workplace – The Quest

Jacquie Hermans - Reality On The Road

Reiki Practitioner/Facilitator: Healing ‘n Humour

Website:  realityontheroad.com

Email: realityontheroad@look.ca

 (905) 473-3449

It happened about 30 years back when I was a school going kid. On a visit to my maternal uncle, an agriculturist, in a remote village, during winter, I became interested to get a firsthand experience of rice harvesting. I accompanied his Gumasta, the person taking care of landed-property, to the paddy field in a cool afternoon. The scenery was picturesque beyond description, with the mother nature smiling with a brand new golden sari. About 20 daily wagers, both ladies and gents, were working in the field, cutting the rice plants with their sickles. The job continued much beyond sunset, well into the evening. Though I was shivering even with my sweater on, I could find no hesitation among the labourers, with some name-sake dress to cover their body, to continue working. However, I could locate one of them a bit extra-ordinary. I did not find him as enthusiastic in work as others. But, it appears he was most of the times talking something. Sometimes, he was standing with the sickle in hand and making gestures. Though he was not clearly audible to me sitting at a distance, I could guess he was cutting some jokes or telling some funny stories from the occasional hearty laugh of the male labour and giggle of the ladies. On my way back, I asked the Gumasta why he had engaged this man named Madhav who was only whiling away his time. The Gumasta, a short-statured bald elderly man gave a mischievous smile and gave his own reasons. Though I do not remember the exact words of his reply, but put in the management terminology, it is something like this - "I am interested in collective output, not in individual-output. But, mind you, I pay Madhav more than others for what he does". Of course, it was not clear to me then what it exactly meant. Now, on recapitulation, I understand he was probably hinting at " humour at workplace" and the productivity that goes with it.

Workplace Realities :
Look at all the buzz words we use and we face as we have entered into the 21st century. Change, competition, downsizing, re-engineering, merger and acquisition, job insecurity, plummeting morale, uncertainty and ambiguity in workplace with stress related illness and burnout have become house-hold words. Organizations are constantly looking for avenues to keep their work place happy, healthy and productive. Just like a pressure-cooker, if there is no method of relieving the pressure, the organization may explode in so far as the employees including the managerial personnel not able to handle the pressure getting sick, being burnout with more absenteeism, less commitment with morale in the low ebb affecting productivity, profitability and competitiveness of the organization. There need to be a valve for releasing the pressure and Humour and humour alone can be that valve.

The Myth

Traditionally, " Humour at the workplace" has been viewed as frivolous. Most organizations view humour as diversion from work. "Work is not supposed to be fun. It is a serious business", feel many. Organizations tend to believe that seriousness, tough-mindedness, keeping everybody on their toes, frowning and worried faces are the sine-qua-non for better management. There is an underlying assumption, which employees and managers confess privately, that humour, laughter or playful attitude on the job will be viewed in a poor light. If any employee is found to be having fun or is caught showing a playful attitude or joking or laughing, it is assumed that he is unprofessional, incompetent, immature or not taking the job seriously. Managers assume that humour at workplace means less productivity.

But, this is a myth, not the reality. Skeptics are requested to take a break from their busy schedule, read something funny or listen to some funny anecdote or funny song and come back again to job at hand. Isn't it more refreshing for you ? I am sure, the answer will be Yes. So, if you are more refreshed, how can you be less productive ? If you enjoy your work, how can your effectiveness and output be less? Of-course, the idea is not to make every employee a buffoon or a circus clown or a comedian. It is rather being serious about work and problems, but not taking things so seriously for yourself so as to cause a breakdown.

Humour - What it is ?

Humour is much more than mere joke-telling or being funny. It is an attitude, a way of life, a way of looking at the brighter side of work situations to relieve stress to be capable to take a balanced view and not a jaundiced view. Humour is any act with an element of surprise embedded in it, which leaves everybody feeling good and relaxed. It definitely includes joke-telling, but could include many others such as an anniversary-card given to the employee, sending an encouraging letter, a congratulatory message from the Chief Executive at the beginning of day's work for the good job done on the previous day, giving an unexpected compliment or a pat on the shoulder. The list is illustrative, not exhaustive. The key is the surprise element, which is crucial. Just as a joke fails if its punch line (which normally comes at the end of the joke) fails to deliver, similarly humour looses its teeth if the surprise element is taken out. This act of surprise, coming unexpected, leave people with a smile, with a sense of relief from a tense situation.

Humour - What Research findings suggest ?

Today, interest in the effects of humour has grown so much that a separate field named Psycho- neuroimmunology has been expanding which defines the communication links and the relationships between our emotional experience and our immune response as mediated by the Neurological System. Credit goes to Norman Cousins when he utilized humour for his treatment for ankylosing spondylitis. Since negative impact of negative emotion on health was an established fact, he hypothesized that the opposite must be true i.e. positive emotions should also have a positive effect on health resulting in alleviation of pain, feelings of joy and confidence. Results of his self-designed humour treatment was published in 1979. Later, two researchers Lee Bark and Stanley Tan of Loma Linda University School of Medicine in California made a carefully controlled study of the effects of humour and laughter on health leading to the conclusion that physiological response produced by belly laughter is opposite to the effects of stress. They found evidence for

i. Increase in the number and activity level of natural killer cells which attack viral infected cells.
ii. Increase in the amount of activated T Cells (T - lymphocytes), which combat potential foreign substance.
iii. Decrease in serum cortisol levels, thereby protecting our immune system
iv. Increase in the anti-body IgA (Immunoglobulin A), which fights upper respiratory tract infections.
v. Increase in Gamma interferon helping the immune system.
vi. Increase in IgB ( Immunoglobulin B) which helps anti-bodies to pierce dysfunctional or infected cells
vii. Decrease in stress hormones responsible for constricting blood vessels and suppressing immune activities.

In short, humour and laughter stimulates the immune system, off-setting the immunosuppressive effects of stress. Other researches in the field have also supported these findings.

Physiological Effects of Humour

Physiological effects of humour and laughter are tremendous as found by researchers. Dr. William Fry of Stanford University found that " Twenty seconds of guffawing gives the heart the same workout as three minutes of hard rowing". After humour, there is a slight rise in heart-rate and blood pressure followed by an immediate recoil. Muscles relax and blood pressure comes down to pre-laughter level, accompanied by the release of endorphins, the body's natural pain-killer by the brain. More oxygen is pumped into the blood-stream and thus to the brain. All these help the body cope with stress. No wonder, laughing clubs are catching up very fast in India.

Effects of Humour at Workplace :

All of us know by experience that humour leaves us feeling better. A sense of humour allows us to perceive and appreciate the incongruities of workplace situations in particular and life in general better and provides moments of freshness and delight. Adding a comical flair to the context of complicated workplace situations enable the employees to gain new perspectives. People with a sense of humour are less rigid, more creative and more open to consider and accept new ideas and methods.

Humour is like one of those topsy-turvey drawings shown to students of elementary psychology. Holding the drawing in the normal way shows the picture of a man with a gloomy face. Turning it around shows a different face with a beaming smile - the beard becoming his hair, the moustache his eye brows. The picture is same. But viewed from another angle, the picture changes. Charlie Chaplain has once said, "Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long shot". How true ?

Just think about the present day work environment. People experience uncertainty, insecurity, frustration, depression, fear and stress triggered by the mad race by organisations to remain competitive, improve bottom-line and consequential actions of down-sizing, merger and acquisitions and re-engineering. So, that becomes the sum total of their lives. We can't change this external aggression on the workplace situations. We do not have control on everything that happens at the workplace. But , we certainly have control on the way we view things, the way we perceive and the way we react. We can create good moments for us and our co-workers by changing our perception.

We must take lessons from our people in the Army, guarding our borders and sometimes engaged in physical battles. But when the job is done, they find time to laugh about, spend some time relaxing and having fun. Fortunately, all of us are not engaged in physical battle. So instead of throwing more time, energy, money at the problem, why not look for a easier way to face the challenge? Nothing prevents us for making the method soft and smooth.

Humour is a powerful antidote to stress. Though it is difficult to utilize humour or laughter in a tense situation, basically it is precisely that situation when we need it most. Sense of humour gives us the required courage and impetus to find delight, experience, joy in adverse situations, making us competent not to succumb to feelings of depression and helplessness. The biggest benefit of Humour and laughter is that it is free and has no side-effects. It also does not require any special equipment or skill and can be applied anywhere and everywhere if we master the tact.

Work related benefits of humour are enormous. It enhances mental flexibility of individuals, make them more adaptable, less chance-averse, more creative, less rigid and more willing to consider and embrace new ideas and methods. Humour can promote team spirit, increase productivity, encourage creativity and thus improve esprit-de-corps. Healthy humour is a relationship builder. If we can make fun together, can laugh together, enjoy together, is there any doubt that we can work together better as a team ?

H.G. Wells once said " The crisis of today is the joke of tomorrow". In fact, things which seemed to us to be unbearable at certain point of time may not be as bad in the hindsight and we can really laugh at them. In retrospect, we can find humour in our dilemmas. So if we can laugh at our dilemmas in future, why not do it now?

Throughout history, great leaders have known the power of humour to use them during the most troubled period of their lives - be he Abraham Lincoln or Winston Churchill or Mahatma Gandhi. Great kings like Akbar, Krishnadev Rao of South and the Kalinga king were utilizing the ingenuity of their court-jesters like Birbal, Tenali Rama, Gopal Bhand to come out of crisis situations. Humour and laughter helps relieve tension in most difficult situations. I have read somewhere that during the Cuban Missile crisis, there was a deadlock between the negotiators of the erstwhile Soviet Russia and America. Everybody sat in silence, not knowing what to do next, until one smart diplomat suggested everybody should tell a humourous story. A Russian Diplomat told a riddle- " What is the difference between Capitalism and Communism ?" and he himself answered- " In Capitalism, 'man exploits man' and in Communism, 'it is the other way around'. Everyone laughed and the mood was relaxed. Then talks continued.

How to use Humour at workplace :

How you choose to infuse humour into your workplace, into your management style, depends a lot on your own personality as well as your subordinates, but there are few things which must be kept in mind before humour or fun is used :
i. Establish your competency- Since you definitely don't want to be seen by your sub-ordinates as someone who only makes fun and do not work, you should make sure that people around you know that you are competent before using your sense of humour.
ii. Taste the water- Not everyone likes or responds well to humour. Try to guess the response before applying.
iii. Time the Humour appropriately- What is fun for one person may not always be fun to another. Using humour during personal tragedy, death of a co-worker. during termination of a job could be very tricky.
iv. Keep it tasteful - All humour is not good humour. Humour which is cruel, which hurts, is bound to create detrimental effects. Sexist, Ethnic, Religious and crude humour are inappropriate and should be avoided.
v. It is best to use humour relevant to the context at hand. Funny stories, even fictitious, yet believable, particularly those relating to the speaker works best.
vi. There is always a risk involved in humour. That need not deter us, but risk for failure should be minimised. You may not always go for a laugh but may go for doing something nice that makes a person feel appreciated. You may go for some sort of surprise or exaggeration which make people feel good

Conclusion :

Humour is just one of the many tools at the disposal of the manager. It is not the panacea. It is not a replacement for any management technique, but definitely a very powerful ally. Humour is contagious, let us start an epidemic. It is aptly said,
" If you laugh, the whole world laughs with you.
But if you weep, you weep alone".
The choice is, of course, yours.
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( Mr. M.M. Tripathy is a HR professional with 24 years of experience. He is a regular contributor to Management Journals of repute. At present, he is working in Senior Management level in a reputed TATA group company in India. Can be contacted at mm_tripathy@yahoo.com or mm_tripathy@sify.com)
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Dedication to Grandpa Raymond Daigle

A man who has healed thousands of people using humour.

Last issue in my article ‘Benefits of Humour’ I mentioned how a simple sharing of a joke can have tremendous healing power –you can help people to heal with humour.  Well this issue I would like to dedicate my article to my recently deceased grandfather – Raymond Daigle of Aurora, formerly Richmond Hill.  Ever since I could remember, my grandfather told jokes.  Every visit he had 3 or 4 great new jokes and he told them full of excitement.  My grandfather would just beam while telling a joke – his cheeks would turn pinkish and would shine in delight, his eyes would squint and his crowfeet beautifully accentuated his joy.  When he smiled – you couldn’t help but smile, and of course couldn’t help to not have sore cheeks and bellies from laughing so hard. 

Along with joke telling – he would magically pull whip cream out of our ears, hide coins up his sleeves and would take you on the best airplane rides.  I loved every visit with my grandfather and everyone loved my grandfather.  Who wouldn’t love being around someone who was always so positive, so joyful and so funny.  When you left his presence – you left feeling wonderful.

When my grandfather developed Parkinsons he continued to tell jokes.  Even when it became a challenge to speak loud or not to shake – he never failed to tell 3 or 4 new jokes.  My uncle emailed my grandfather jokes, every week up until his death, and my grandfather kept and cherished every joke.

My uncle compiled a binder filled with my grandpa’s jokes titled ‘Ray Daigle’s Bible of Jokes - In memory of a wonderful man’.  Grandpa Daigle touched many lives – including mine.  What an incredible role model I had.  Throughout his life he healed thousands of people with humour.  I’d like to carry on our family tradition by helping others to heal with humour.  Each issue I will submit a joke from my grandfathers ‘Bible of Jokes’.  Spread the health and share it with a family member, a friend, or co-worker.

Jacquie Hermans – Reality On The Road

Reiki Practitioner /Facilitator: Healing ‘n Humour